I’ve started at least 3 posts recently and can’t finish/publish any of them. I think it’s because I keep trying to write something reflective of a bigger picture. Meh. Instead, I’m going to just tell you what’s been up.
I’ve been writing A LOT, both personally and professionally. Great, right? I’m pretty excited. Elizabeth Gilbert’s Magic Lessons podcast and new book Big Magic have been incredibly inspirational (you should check them out!) and really gave me the kick in the butt I needed to get started writing. I’m in the middle of two creative projects. I feel equally compelled to write both of them, so I work on the one that speaks loudest to me on any given day. It’s kinda fun. One seems to be a young adult fantasy story; I’m really fascinated by the little flashes of inspiration I receive, and I do my best to funnel those images onto my computer screen. The other one is about being a therapist and a human in relationships. I’m really intrigued by this one, because the themes feel very close to home. I also get to show people what being a real therapist is all about, without all the sensationalism and drama that the media portrays. Yes, we have intense moments, but the beauty of therapy is in the small moments, where compassion and authenticity arise. That’s what I want to write about.
A few fun reflections on the process….
- My writing is fun and sucks all at the same time. 🙂 I’ve always been told I’m a great writer, and I’m grateful for that feedback. But man! Writing a novel is tough! Translating images in my head onto paper is like squeezing blood from a stone. Most of the time, I feel like I’m just trying to get to the next scene. The specific scenes themselves are great, it’s all the in between that sounds trite and contrived. But I just say, “that’s cool! I’ll figure it out later!” It’s the act of writing that I’m trying to accomplish. Not the act of writing the next best seller!
- Related to the first point….I wonder if I’m good enough to tell the story I want to tell. Can I actually find a way to describe to the reader the magical things going on inside me? I’m pretty interested in where these stories are going, and I want to write them in a way that keeps people interested and that makes sense. I choose to be irreverent here and not take it so seriously. Just write!
- I have no idea where these stories are going! But I love the characters I’m getting to know, and I’m enjoying the little snippets of their lives they’re showing me. I’ll have to embrace the mystery for a time, I guess, and hope they continue to reveal their paths to me as long as I keep plodding along. Keep moving, even if you can only see 10 feet in front of you!
shreds of skin left behind. they can’t come with me. remnants of my old ways. i’m pushing forward despite the tearing and the tears. willing myself to bear just one more scar, just one more wound to deliver myself. faster and faster i’m running, my hair tangled in the wind, gripped by my past that wrenches me backwards, slowing my progress. reminding me that this is easier, staying where i am.
unmoving unchanged unblemished. pristine pretty pious. cold quiet alone.
i keep moving. thrashing blindly because i can’t see a path, just know that forward is the way, always forward. shadows splayed out beneath my feet, writhing as i run, lapping at my toes to draw me in, down to the ground. to rest with the gnarled roots that bury themselves in the dirt. cover me in dust to cloud my eyes, and i’ll find solace here in this broken place.
but i don’t. i can’t. i climb. i follow the roots to their height, clawing, rising, flying until there is light. there is light. and more gnarled hands, but they reach to the sky, crooked only from triumph. they point to the stars, reminding me i am not just of the earth but of the ether as well. as they are. strong and grounded and full of grace. i no longer gasp for air. my heart becomes still, as i ease into the space between heaven’s hand and earth’s firm grasp. there is nowhere left to run. i am here. i am here.
I found this in a Google Images Search for trees. How fitting.
I started this blog to motivate myself to write about the things that inspire me. I haven’t posted since October. I assure you this does not mean I have lacked inspiration or that the world has ceased to entertain and enlighten me. It means creating the blog as a motivational tool has not been entirely successful. Not that I expected to be so prolific as to offer up an entry every day; rather, I had hoped to create in myself a new lens through which to experience the world. Because I want to be inspired, I seek out inspiration, and therefore discover inspiration! And then write about it. Tell you a story about it. Find a way to convey the emotionality of a moment. Essentially, I would document the act of being inspired. As it turns out, I’m stellar at receiving the inspiration but not so good with the documenting of it. This is not news to me.
I cannot count how many blog posts, poems, novels, workshops, and articles I have developed inside my head. I am sure my fellow writers and artists and professionals have fallen victim to the curse of unfulfilled creativity. So many words and pictures and ideas, and yet no proof of their existence. The Artist’s Way seems to have kept its lofty promise of unblocking my creativity. I feel its presence. I know it’s there. I am unable – dare I say unwilling – to sit down and let it out. Self-doubt and negative assumptions continue to plague me. Despite my ongoing intention to be more mindful of my inner critic and to be more loving to my creative self, I keep giving into the voice that says you have nothing of interest to say and nothing new to offer. Even if you did, what authority do you have to say it? That last one’s a doozy!
I admit that the very action of writing this post gives me hope. At least I’m putting words on a page and putting them out there for others to do with as they choose. I think that’s the key, really. I can offer up anything I want to the world, even if it’s been offered before. If it’s on my mind and in my heart, I’d like to believe it has some value. I’ve never thought of myself as frivolous or banal. Indeed, I often wish my thoughts could be a little more superficial! The bottom line is this: whether it’s an exercise in narcissism or a truly valid idea, whether it’s mediocre or brilliant, I might as well bring it to life. All of it. After all the more I do, the more I will do. The more it flows, the more it will flow. The more I get out of my own way, the more I will get out of my own way.
I am impressed with this very articulate and simple way of looking at creative process. I continue to encounter and identify my obstacles to creating a routine or habit. I think looking at my blog as a source of accountability will be a helpful antidote to my incredible aptitude for making excuses. One can hope anyway!
Sometimes creative angst gets the better of us. How often do you find yourself thinking “I don’t have enough time,” or “My work’s not good enough,” or “I’ll never reach my creative goals”? Here are four simple ways to avoid those minefields and stay focused on what really matters: your creative work.
1. Turn rejection into affirmation. With practice, you can reframe rejection so that it actually affirms your creativity, rather than causes injury. Here’s how. Simply put, you can’t get rejected if you haven’t had the courage to send your work out into the world. And you can’t send your work out into the world if you haven’t reached a level of completion and polish that makes you believe your work has legs. And your work can’t have legs if you haven’t put yourself at your desk or easel or studio bench and actually done the work, for however…
View original post 829 more words