I started this blog to motivate myself to write about the things that inspire me. I haven’t posted since October. I assure you this does not mean I have lacked inspiration or that the world has ceased to entertain and enlighten me. It means creating the blog as a motivational tool has not been entirely successful. Not that I expected to be so prolific as to offer up an entry every day; rather, I had hoped to create in myself a new lens through which to experience the world. Because I want to be inspired, I seek out inspiration, and therefore discover inspiration! And then write about it. Tell you a story about it. Find a way to convey the emotionality of a moment. Essentially, I would document the act of being inspired. As it turns out, I’m stellar at receiving the inspiration but not so good with the documenting of it. This is not news to me.

I cannot count how many blog posts, poems, novels, workshops, and articles I have developed inside my head. I am sure my fellow writers and artists and professionals have fallen victim to the curse of unfulfilled creativity. So many words and pictures and ideas, and yet no proof of their existence. The Artist’s Way seems to have kept its lofty promise of unblocking my creativity. I feel its presence. I know it’s there.  I am unable – dare I say unwilling – to sit down and let it out. Self-doubt and negative assumptions continue to plague me. Despite my ongoing intention to be more mindful of my inner critic and to be more loving to my creative self, I keep giving into the voice that says you have nothing of interest to say and nothing new to offer. Even if you did, what authority do you have to say it? That last one’s a doozy!

I admit that the very action of writing this post gives me hope. At least I’m putting words on a page and putting them out there for others to do with as they choose.  I think that’s the key, really. I can offer up anything I want to the world, even if it’s been offered before. If it’s on my mind and in my heart, I’d like to believe it has some value. I’ve never thought of myself as frivolous or banal. Indeed, I often wish my thoughts could be a little more superficial! The bottom line is this: whether it’s an exercise in narcissism or a truly valid idea, whether it’s mediocre or brilliant, I might as well bring it to life. All of it. After all the more I do, the more I will do. The more it flows, the more it will flow. The more I get out of my own way, the more I will get out of my own way.


2 thoughts on “Renewal

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  1. Sham, I totally relate to you, except I’m not half the writer you are. Keep it up girl, you will feel so good when you get into the flow of expressing yourself. 🙂

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